Well, my surgery was on Thursday to clean out my uterus. To say that I was nervous would be a major understatement. I had never been a patient in a hospital in my life. Yes, I’m lucky, but it also means I had no idea what to expect. Add in the emotional part of this procedure, and you can imagine how Frank and I were feeling. I went to the hospital, trying my best not to think about what was about to happen. There was nothing I could do to change it, I had to suck it up. I won’t give you every detail, but the procedure was quick and the physical pain afterwards was very tolerable. The staff was very sensitive to what we were going through which made it less embarrassing when I had to turn my head and cry throughout the day.
When we got home from the procedure, I put the baby books back on the shelf so they weren’t strewn across my house, little constant reminders that I don’t need them anymore. Well at least not at the moment. Frank and I are rational people (well, Frank is) and we are able to see the upside of this very difficult time. We got pregnant! I mean, if you count the chemical pregnancy, we got pregnant the only two times we were ever able to. So clearly we can do this. We just have to be patient. We are thankful that my body realized that something wasn’t right with this pregnancy, and let it go. It would have been much harder if I had carried longer, only to find out that the baby wasn’t going to make it. We also think this experience will ultimately make us better parents. We are already very aware of how fragile life is, and we are ready to cherish and embrace every part of our next pregnancy.
Having said that, there is no way to pretend that this hasn’t changed us. Next time, I know I will be very guarded, although I know it’s not right. And our big dreams and plans are postponed. The bottom line is, we made something. Together. We saw a tiny heart beating, and immediately loved him/her. And now it’s gone. Just gone.
But we will get through this…we are very strong, and we will do whatever it takes to have our family that I know we will have. Michelle (fertility specialist) told us that within 30 days I should get my period. We can start trying after that. So now, I will look to the future, and work on my positive energy. Michelle also said that this time around, I can go on Clomid as well as Metformin because Clomid helps with egg quality. Also, she wants Frank to go in for a semen analysis within the next two weeks, and I will do a little bit of chromosomal testing to make sure things are okay on my end. Michelle isn’t anticipating problems, this isn’t a repeat miscarriage for me, but just to ease our minds, we are going to take whatever tests we can….